Of Springtails and Such is a journey to discovery, and a window to the future.... Janel Troide-Heflin 2011-2014 - @JanelHeflin on Twitter
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Parental Alienation: There is Hope
If you or someone you know is involved in an ongoing battle over the custody of children, please read the following article extracted from breakthroughparenting.com. There is light at the end of the tunnel. So, never give up hope.
Parents Who Have Successfully Fought
Parental Alienation Syndrome
by Jayne A. Major, Ph.D.
Nothing stirs up passions more than the controversy generated when parents
are at war over the custody of a child.
A controversy is an issue where
evidence on both sides can make a compelling case. It is never black
and white, but when people have their emotions aroused, an issue can
quickly turn into two polar opposites.
Fear takes over reason, incomplete
facts become evidence, and court calendars become jammed with repeat
visits to a judge to try to bring sanity to what is unlikely to ever
be sane. On top of this, social movements are promoting one side over
another in their clamor for justice. Politicians are lobbied to pass laws to
bring order to chaos. Gender wars are fueled and lives are destroyed.
My exposure to custody wars came from the mothers and fathers attending
my Breakthrough Parenting® classes at The Parent Connection, Inc., an
agency that I founded in Los Angeles in 1983.
Many of the parents in my classes were litigating over child custody. Most said that they wanted to settle
the case, but none of them would settle by giving up all access to their
child, which seemed to be the only other alternative open to them.
It was disturbing to see that in many of these cases, the child was behaving
outrageously, to the point of cursing one of their parents, and kicking, spitting,
and calling them stupid, mean and horrible.
What can you do when one parent is intractable and vitriolic? What can
you do when the child becomes caught up in the fight and starts taking sides?
I came to realize that this level of conflict in custody disputes was
a fallout from sweeping societal changes.
What has changed?
In the 1960's and the 1970's, feminists told fathers that they
should take a more active role in raising their children. Women were going
to work, going back to college and pursuing careers as never before.
A shift then began, and fathers became more involved in the day-to-day
care of their children than was true in previous generations.
As rigidity about parental roles began to fall away, the tender years
was still in place. This doctrine presumed that by virtue of the fact
that a woman was the mother of a child, that she must be the superior
parent. In the early 1970's several states passed "no-fault"
divorce laws, where anyone who wanted out of a marriage was free to
leave. Some have called it the "no guilt laws." There was
a proliferation of divorce that was historically unprecedented.
After a family breakup, many fathers wanted to continue to
be involved with the care of their children. Suddenly, they found that they had
no legal right to have custody of their children unless the mother agreed
Due to the lobbying efforts of James Cook, founder of the Joint
Custody Association, who was caught up in this problem himself, the
California legislature successfully passed the first joint custody laws.
Joint custody was widely seen as a better way of handling the evolving
problem of how to share child custody. It was believed that it would
lead to fewer fights over the custody of children because it was more
equal. Other states also passed joint custody laws. These laws helped
to level the playing field for fathers.
The majority of mothers and fathers welcomed joint custody. Others did
not. As with any trend, there was a backlash. Child custody became a
highly political gender-specific issue. Thus, the ramping up of high-level
disputes also began in the 70's.
In most states the tender years presumption
(mother knows best) was replaced with the best-interests-of-the-child
presumption of joint custody (the best parent is both parents).
1980's, courts began to increasingly ignore gender in determining child
custody. This removed the automatic allocation of full custody rights
to the mother, so she had less time with the children. Instead, the
courts looked first at how the custody could be shared, and if that wasn't
possible, judicial officers attempted to determine which parent was
more interested and better able to attend to the best interest of the
Fathers perceived that they were at a disadvantage because of
a bias toward the mother having custody. Because of this, in the 1980's more fathers
than ever started showing up at parenting classes to make sure that
their skills were state of the art. This is when these issues were first
called to my attention.
Most parents were able to share custody of their children, and they worked
out childcare issues in an amicable way.
A large number of women were even relieved to have fathers share in the
childcare, which enabled them to pursue
their personal life goals involving their education and career.
when there was not a friendly resolution to custody, fathers found themselves
with a greater opportunity to gain joint or primary custodial status
by litigating (going to court). The stakes got even higher when the legal system was
used to resolve these difficult problems. In extreme cases, the alienation
of a child's affection against a targeted parent became a bizarre escalation
of the intensity of the conflict.
Who discovered Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)?
In association with this growing child-custody litigation, forensic
psychiatrist Dr. Richard A. Gardner first identified Parental Alienation
Syndrome in the 1980's. He noticed a dramatic increase in the frequency
of a disorder rarely observed before, that of programming or brainwashing
of a child by one parent to denigrate the other parent.
disorder wasn't just brainwashing or programming by a parent. It was
confounded by what Dr. Gardner calls self-created contributions by the child
in support of the alienating parent's campaign of denigration against
the targeted parent. He called this disorder Parental Alienation
(PAS), a new term that includes the contribution to the problem made
by both the parent and the child.
What is PAS?
Gardner's definition of PAS is:
1. The Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a disorder that arises primarily
in the context of child-custody disputes.
Its primary manifestation
is the child's campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign
that has no justification.
It results from the combination of a programming
(brainwashing) of a parent's indoctrinations and the child's own contributions
to the vilification of the targeted parent.
Excerpted from: Gardner, R.A. (1998). The Parental Alienation Syndrome,
Second Edition, Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics, Inc.
What is the child's part in PAS?
Gardner notes that the PAS is more than brainwashing or programming,
because the child has to actually participate in the denigrating of
the alienated parent. This is done in primarily the following eight
The child denigrates the alienated parent with foul language and
severe oppositional behavior.
The child offers weak, absurd, or frivolous reasons for his or her
The child is sure of himself or herself and doesn't demonstrate ambivalence,
i.e. love and hate for the alienated parent, only hate.
The child exhorts that he or she alone came up with ideas of denigration.
The "independent-thinker" phenomenon is where the child
asserts that no one told him to do this.
The child supports and feels a need to protect the alienating parent.
The child does not demonstrate guilt over cruelty towards the alienated
The child uses borrowed scenarios, or vividly describes situations
that he or she could not have experienced.
Animosity is spread to the friends and/or extended family of the
In severe cases of parent alienation, the child is utterly brain-
against the alienated parent. The alienator can truthfully say that
the child doesn't want to spend any time with this parent, even though
he or she has told him that he has to, it is a court order, etc. The
alienator typically responds, "There isn't anything that I can
do about it. I'm not telling him that he can't see you."
PAS is an
escalation of Parental Alienation (PA) Dr. Douglas Darnall in his book Divorce Casualties: Protecting Your
Children from Parental Alienation, describes three categories of
The mild category he calls the naïve alienators. They are ignorant
of what they are doing and are willing to be educated and change.
moderate category is the active alienators. When they are triggered,
they lose control of appropriate boundaries. They go ballistic. When
they calm down, they don't want to admit that they were out of control.
In the severe category are the obsessed alienators or those who are
involved in PAS. They operate from a delusional system where every cell
of their body is committed to destroying the other parent's relationship
with the child.
In the latter case, he notes that we don't have an effective
protocol for treating an obsessed alienator other than removing the
child from their influence.
An important point is that in PAS there is no true parental abuse and/or
neglect on the part of the alienated parent. If this were the case,
the child's animosity would be justified. Also, it is not PAS if the
child still has a positive relationship with the parent, even though
one parent is attempting to alienate the child from him or her.
gender is most likely to initiate PAS?
Gardner's statistics showed that the majority of PAS occurrences were
initiated by mothers. Mothers have traditionally had primary custody
of children (although before the 20th century it normally belonged to
the father), and the mothers usually spend more time with the
In order for a campaign of alienation to occur, one parent
needs to have considerable time with the child. However, in recent years
increasing numbers of fathers have started instigating PAS, since there are few
legal sanctions for doing so.
several dramatic cases where the father was the alienator.
one case, the father had no control over his obsession to trash the
Numerous professionals told him, including the mother, that
he could have shared custody if he would be willing to follow the rules.
He didn't have the self-control to do this.
When he lost custody because
of his aberrant behavior, he became a celebrity in the father's
rights movement and took his campaign into national circles. No one
would know from hearing him speak about his situation that there was
serious pathology going on (PAS) or how hard the professionals worked
to stabilize it.
Moreover, in cultures where women traditionally have no tangible rights,
alienation by the father can be severe.
I've met divorcing women who
had been prevented from learning how to make a living to support themselves.
At the time of separation all access to financial resources were stopped
and the children removed from her care. These women reported severe
alienation of affection.
It makes one grateful to have laws that protect
human rights and enforce a better way of resolving conflict than a winner-take
common is PA and PAS?
When parents first separate there is often parent
alienation. For example,
due to the anxiety of the mother, she is likely to say
indirectly to a child that he or she is not safe with the father.
She might say:
"Call me as soon as you get there to let me know you are okay."
"If you get scared, you call me right away. Okay?"
"I'll come get you if you want to come home."
Usually this level of alienation
dies down after the separating parents get used to changes brought on
by the separation and move on with their lives.
However, in rare cases, the anxiety
not only doesn't calm down, it escalates. PAS parents are psychologically
fragile. When things are going their
way, they can hold themselves together. When they are threatened however,
they can become fiercely entrenched in preserving what they see is rightfully
only a small percentage end up in this level of conflict.
Why do PAS
parents act like they do?
I believe that PAS parents have become stuck in the first stage of child
development, where survival skills are learned.
To them, having total
control over their child is a life and death matter. Because they don't
understand how to please other people, any effort to do so always has
strings attached. They don't give; they only know how to take. They
don't play by the rules and are not likely to obey a court order.
Descriptions that are commonly used to describe severe cases of PAS
are that the alienating parent is unable to "individuate"
(a psychological term used when the person is unable to see the child
as a separate human being from him or herself). They are often described
as being "overly involved with the child" or
The parent may be diagnosed as narcissistic (self-centered), where
they presume that they have a special entitlement to whatever they want.
They think that there are rules in life, but only for other people,
not for them.
Also, they may be called a sociopath, which means a person who has no
moral conscience. These are people who are unable to have empathy or
compassion for others. They are unable to see a situation from another
person's point of view, especially their child's point of view. They
don't distinguish between telling the truth and lying in the way that
In spite of admonitions from judges and mental health professionals
to stop their alienation, they can't. The prognosis for severely alienating
parents is very poor. It is unlikely that they are able to "get it."
It is also unlikely that they will ever stop trying to perpetuate the
alienation. This is a gut wrenching survival issue to them.
does the child get involved in PAS?
The targeted parent needs to
understand what has happened to what as once an affectionate and loving
child who is now unexplainably hostile. Remember Gardner's definition
stated earlier, "the disorder wasn't only brainwashing or
programming by a parent, but was confounded by what he calls self-created
contributions by the child in support of the alienating parent's
campaign of denigration against the targeted parent." It
isn't PAS in the severe form of this disorder, unless the child has
crossed over and joined up with the alienating parent. The child shares
the alienating parent's psychosis. How does this happen?
At birth, children are totally reliant on a parent, usually the mother,
for having all of their needs met. It is part of normal child development
to be enmeshed with their primary caregiver, and very young children
do not have a separate identity from this caregiver.
One of the mother's roles is to help the child develop as a separate person, therefore,
infancy and childhood become a series of tasks of learning how to become
independent. For example, learning to putting oneself back to sleep,
eating, toilet training and caring for one's hygiene.
Instead of promoting
this independence, the alienating parent encourages continued dependence.
The parent may insist on sleeping with the child, feeding the child
("It's easier if I do it"), and taking care of these rites
of passage longer than normal child development calls for. This "spoiling"
may not feel right to the child, but they do not have enough ego strength
to do anything about it.
A PAS mother can't imagine that the father is capable of planning the
child's time while in his care. Therefore, she arranges several things
for the child to do while at the father's house. One of the most common
ways of doing this is to sign the child up for on-going lessons without
permission from the father.
The parent may even decree whom the child
can and cannot see, particularly specific members of the child's extended
family on the father's side. The mother desperately wants control over
the time when the child isn't with her.
One of the most unusual situations
that I ran into was the father who picked up his sons at 9:00 a.m. on
a Saturday for the weekend. He discovered that his very excited boys
had their hearts set on going to Disneyland for the day, when this idea
had never crossed his mind.
One theory about why a mother will act this way is that when a father
takes his share of joint custody, it is like asking her to give away
part of her body. One mother said, "He is going to remove my right
arm and take it for the weekend." It feels like the mother has
lost a profound part of who she is as a person. She feels fractured,
Why is PAS a
double bind for the child?
When children spend time with the father, and enjoy it, they are put
into a double bind. Clearly, they cannot tell the mother that dad treats
them well or that they had fun together. They want to bond with the
father, but don't dare. They figure out on which side the bread is buttered
(who has the power), and their survival needs tug at them. Therefore,
children will tell the mother about everything they didn't enjoy about
time spent with the father, which will add to her belief that they don't
like to be with him. These children feel that they must protect the
mother. The same is true when the alienator is the father. The child
will avoid expressing their affectionate feelings for the mother to
These are volatile families. The father may have indeed spanked a child,
or lashed out at the mother physically or emotionally. An isolated incidence
can turn into a holocaust. One father spanked his rebellious child and
ended up in jail on child abuse charges, followed by a six week trial
to determine his guilt. The jury returned with a not guilty verdict
in 20 minutes. The verdict didn't end it as far as the mother was concerned,
The alienating parent's hatred can have no bounds. The severest form
will bring out every horrible allegation known, including claims of
domestic violence, stalking and the sexual molestation of the child.
Many fathers say that there have been repeated calls to the Department
of Family and Child Services alleging child abuse and neglect.
cases the investigators report that they found nothing wrong. However,
the indoctrinating parent feels that these reports are not fabrications,
but very, very real. She can describe the horror of what happen in great
detail. Regardless of the actual truth, in her mind, it did happen.
Most of the alienated fathers that I work with are continually befuddled
by her lying. "How can she lie like that?" They don't realize
that these lies are not based on rational thinking. They are incapable
of understanding the difference between what is true and what they want
to be true. A vital part of fighting PAS is to understand the severity
of the psychological disturbance that is the source of it.
What makes this problem very complicated is that PAS is often intergenerational
in dysfunctional families. Almost always the alienator has people within
the family who support the alienation. It might be the mother, father
or grandparent who encourage fighting. They are likely to support the
parent financially or even provide massive amounts of money to
fund litigation. This is further proof to the PAS parent that he or she is
justified in what he/she does.
a child is placed in the role of the parent's therapist
Alienation advances even further when the alienating parent uses the child as a personal
therapist. The child is told about every miserable experience and negative
feeling about the alienated parent with great specificity. The child,
who is already enmeshed with the parent because his or her own identity
is still undefined, easily absorbs the parent's negativity. They become
aligned with this parent and feel that they need to be the protector
of the alienating parent.
happens to the child when you can't stop PAS?
Obviously, without anyone to stop the alienation from progressing, the
child will become estranged from the alienated parent. The relationship
with this parent will eventually be severed. It is doubtful that, without
psychological intervention as the child grows, he or she will ever understand
The child's primary role model will be the maladaptive,
dysfunctional parent. He or she will not have the benefit of growing
up with the most well-adjusted parent and all that this parent can contribute
to enrich the child's life. Many of these children come to experience serious
Will they ever grow up and realize what happened to them? Without someone
who can recognize the syndrome and counsel them about it, it isn't likely
that they will ever figure it out. However, there have been exceptions
where the child and the alienated parent have been successfully reunified
later in life.
How can good intentions backfire?
Those people who are typically called upon to handle such difficult
situations, such as the police, social workers, attorneys or psychologists
assume that what the frightened mother is saying is true. These things
DO happen. There are men who are seriously disturbed, violent, out of
control sexually, and stalk, who are rightfully feared. The mother is
very convincing in her desperation and vivid in her descriptions. The
clincher is that the alienated child collaborates with the mother by
saying, "Yes, I am afraid of my father." "Yes, my father
did touch me down there." "Yes, he does beat me." What
would you do if you were faced with having to decide how to protect
a child in such a situation?
Some therapists don't realize the severity
and depth of the problem. In fact, they may unwittingly side with the alienating
parent and even testify in court that the child
is afraid of the alienated parent. This can be a serious stumbling block in getting
an accurate diagnosis. Indeed, it can tip the scale into the alienating
parent's agenda and do real damage.
Our courts, social services and mental health workers are all committed
to stop child abuse and neglect when they see it occurring.
Unfortunately, in PAS situations a dramatic and loud complaint from the
alienating parent often ends up being acted upon without an investigation as to the accuracy of the allegation.
This frequently removes the alienated parent from the children and allows the alienating parent considerable
additional time to proceed with
By the time all of the evaluations are in place and
the case is heard by the court, considerable damage has been done to
the child. It is an irony that the very people we turn to for help in
such a difficult situation can often be those who most contribute to
allowing the on-going abuse and neglect of the child to continue.
can be done about the problem?
First, it takes a sophisticated mental health professional to be able
to identify that PAS is occurring. Most forensic evaluators such as
psychiatrists and clinical psychologists have studied
the disorder and are able to recognize it.
Forensic evaluators diagnose PAS by having the parents take a battery of psychological tests, doing
a detailed case history and by observation. They make recommendations
as to what to do. After the evaluator has written a report on the family
and made recommendations, nothing will happen to resolve the crisis
without court intervention.
The alienated parent has to take the report to a judge who must then
be convinced that the child is being alienated and that it is not in
their best interest to stay in such an environment.
It is rare however that judges
have any degree of mental health training. They most often learn about
PAS from the bench. It usually takes several trips to court to point
out how badly a child is being treated before a judge is willing to
are PAS cases resolved legally?
Judges are inevitably conservative in their orders. Even when the evidence
is overwhelming that the alienation is occurring, the court order may
still end up saying, "the parents are to make joint decisions about
the child's welfare," when this is impossible to do.
This is further
evidence that the judge doesn't understand the magnitude of the problem.
The judge in one of the most severe PAS cases I worked on was from the
old school. He was tired of having the litigants continue to appear
before him. One day he said, "Why don't the two of you go out in
the hallway and kiss and make up." This is an example of how frustrating
these cases are for judges. Indeed, these are the hardest cases to decide.
Judges have been slow to place serious sanctions on the alienating parent.
If there is no threat of severe fines, jail time or sole custody to
the targeted parent, the chances are remote that the out-of-control
parent can be stopped.
It usually takes a dramatic situation where court orders are broken
to force the court to change primary custody. Often it is only a matter
of time before alienating parents become desperate and their unstable
mental health gets the better of them. People in an official position
start to recognize the alienating parent as being out of line, and become
supportive of the targeted parent.
In one case, the 9 and 4 year old daughters were abducted and presumed
to be on their way to Australia through an underground group that hides
women who are victims of domestic violence, often of a sexual nature
and where the father is stalking. The girls were missing for 3 months
and found in another county where they were waiting for final arrangements
to be made before their departure. When the police broke into the house
at 3:00 a.m., they found the girls sleeping with their mother. They
had been given boy's names, clothes, haircuts and their hair was dyed.
They were not allowed contact with anyone outside of their hiding place,
not even to go to school. The oldest child had strep throat and the youngest
was seriously withdrawn.
In another case, the mother could no longer convince the social workers,
the police or the Court about her allegations. She was known to be unstable
because she had "cried wolf" too many times. She abducted her daughter
to Utah. She told officials there that the courts where she lived were
protecting a proven child molester. The press was called. After she
was interviewed; there was a virtual feeding frenzy as the father's
photograph and the story was on all the local news networks.
A big part
of the problem was that the seven year old girl, said "Yes"
when asked if her father had molested her. Even though this had already
been disproved by forensic evaluators, she was still confused.
alienation of children be reversed?
As children get older, the alienation can be reversed with proper psychological
care. However, it won't work if the alienating parent is not contained.
In the last case described above, the mother had severely limited visiting
rights. She had remarried and had a new child, however, she still regularly
calls the police to report the father for abuse. Presently, the daughter
resides with her father, receives weekly therapy and hates the police.
She gradually understands how disturbed her mother is.
In the former case, where the mother was kidnapping the children, she
now sees them two hours a month at the Department of Children's Services
with a social worker present to monitor everything that she says and
does. The girls have also been in extensive therapy and are doing well.
Since this is among the most severe kinds of abuse of a child's emotions,
there will be scars and lost opportunities for normal development. The
child is at risk of growing up and being an alienator also, since the
alienating parent has been the primary role model.
What is the
best way to deal with PAS?
The parents I know who were successful in getting primary custody
of their children in a PAS situation shared the following
completed a comprehensive parenting course such as Breakthrough
Parenting, and stuck with it until they rated excellent in the knowledge,
skills and methods taught. Their parenting skills became
were even-tempered, logical and kept their emotions under control.
They never retaliated. A person who reacts in anger is proving the
alienator's point that he or she is unstable.
certainly thought of giving up but never did. No matter how awful the harassment
got, they worried about leaving their daughter or son in that environment.
They were driven to continue trying to get the court to understand
the seriousness of the issues and to change primary custody to them.
were willing and able to go to the financial expense of seeing it
They got help from a skilled family lawyer who had experience
with parent alienation syndrome.
They became good at understanding
how the courts work and the law as it applied to their case. In many
of excessive expenses, parents even ended up as pro per (called pro se in
some states) where they were representing themselves without a
had a case where a forensic evaluator made a strong statement about
the alienation and recommend changing legal and primary custody to
the alienated parent. Some parents had to go back to the evaluator
to demonstrate that his or her earlier recommendations were not working.
persevered in demonstrating that they were rational, reasonable,
and had the best interest of the child at heart.
They provided the
court with an appropriate parenting plan that showed how the child
would be well taken care of in their care.
understood the nature of the problem and focused on what to do
about it, even though they and their children were being victimized.
(Alienated parents who got caught up in "how terrible it all
is" and spent time judging the situation, went under emotionally.)
didn't live a victim's life.
They were proactive
in seeking constructive action.
They avoided adding to the problem.
One father expressed it like this: "I don't know how to make
it better with the mother, but I do know how to make it worse."
He was one of the most successful parents I met in fighting the PAS
problem because he stayed in the role of the peacekeeper.
kept a diary or journal of key events, describing what happened
documented the alienation with evidence that was admissible
always called or showed up to pick up their children, even if they
knew that the children won't be there. This was often very painful,
but then they could document that they tried, when the alienator alleged
that this parent had no interest in the child.
focused on enjoying their children's company and never talked to
their children about their case. They always took the high road and
never talked badly about the other parent to their children. They
absolutely never showed a child any court orders or other sensitive
documents. They didn't let the children overhear inappropriate conversations
on the telephone.
didn't violate court orders. They paid their child support on time
and proved that they could live within the letter of the law.
were truly decent, principled people. It was obvious that they loved
PAS cases are notoriously difficult to figure out, even for professionals
in the field of divorce.
Once the syndrome is discovered, it is even
harder for the professionals to figure out what to do about it.
It is important for alienated parents to be
supported by compassionate people while going through this
PAS is never easy, but there is
plenty of hope for those who take the high road and follow what
worked for other PAS parents as shown above.
Jayne Major, Ph.D.
Take The Following Actions Now If You Are In A PAS Case:
PAS Action #1: Complete a comprehensive parenting
course such as Breakthrough Parenting, and stick with it until you
rate excellent in the knowledge, skills and methods taught. Your
parenting skills will become superior, which is what you need to be able to deal with the challenges of alienation.
The Breakthrough Parenting 2-page personal Letter of Completion also helps give the
judge, as well as all family professionals involved, confidence that
you are able to support your children effectively in the new, more stressful situation of a divided family.
This is especially important if you have already been falsely
accused of being a "clueless" or even "dangerous" parent.
If local classes are not available in
your area, or if you have to complete a comprehensive course in less than
10 weeks, the Breakthrough Parenting Advanced Parenting Home Program,
uses the same materials as the live classes, but you complete
your own with live phone coaching from a Certified Breakthrough
Parenting Instructor and a super-clear program. You read a very lively
with great illustrations and numerous powerful real-life examples from Breakthrough
Parenting families. You learn how these parents were able to quickly solve
difficult problems with their children, then complete a unique workbook that
helps you quickly get real skills for dealing with problems in your own family. This program
really works even in difficult PAS situations, and parents love it.
When you have finished your workbook and sent it in to us, we set up
a Review and Coaching Session with you over the phone. On completion, we send you
a 2-page detailed Letter of Completion that we guarantee
will be accepted by any Family Court in the U.S. or Canada, or you get a
100% refund of what you paid!
In a PAS case, the Breakthrough Parenting Advanced Parenting Program is also vital for properly preparing you
for a Custody Evaluation. If you don't speak the language family
professionals use, and you don't acquire some new, higher skills for
this new situation, you can easily end up with a negative evaluation, resulting
in limited supervised visitation instead of what could have been full
custody. Yes, the difference can be that great.
PAS Action #2: Provide the court with a
"comprehensive parenting plan" that shows how the child will be well
taken care of in
care. Most parenting plans are not comprehensive enough, which
in PAS cases ends up costing thousands of dollars in legal fees, not to
mention months or years of unnecessary aggravation. PAS Action #3: Keep a diary or journal of key events, describing what happened and when.
For this key PAS action, you'll find everything you need to
know in the Creating A Successful Parenting Plan book and CD-ROM.
These super-clear materials show you how to quickly create what is legally called "a
comprehensive parenting plan," and it explains the meaning of the many
important choices you have to make, choices that are uniquely personal.
Getting your understanding through this material is much more efficient than having
your family lawyer explain it one hour at a time.
The template on the Companion CD-ROM allows you to
very quickly build your own plan on your computer (PC or Mac),
in a format that is ready to present to your
family lawyer for review, or to file with the court if you are
forced to represent yourself (unfortunately common in PAS cases).
With this material, you will have a maximally complete plan
In a hostile PAS case, this can save you a lot of money, as the other parent is often continuously looking for
ways to make trouble. Many parents just put into the plan what they can think of at the beginning, plus what
their lawyers suggest to add at that time, which is only what they know about in your family situation.
Then six months later the other parent
says, "You didn't put in anything about xxx!" and the judge is forced to call the parties
in again, usually at a cost of
$3,000-$6,000 in legal fees, and that's each time.
Many PAS parents end up financially devastated by this. After a while they are unable to defend
themselves in court, and they lose custody of their children.
If, on the other hand, the parenting plan is truly comprehensive from
the beginning, it will be very difficult or even impossible for the
other parent to claim that anything was missed up front.
Family court judges have to deal with omissions, but they
do not care much for requests for changes for change's sake.
The Creating A Successful Parenting Plan book also describes how to
document everything that happens in a way that it can be used effectively for your PAS case.
The PAS Special Package
The quickest way to get everything you need to deal with parental alienation effectively is to order the famous PAS Special Package.
It is a complete package at a substantial discount over getting the parts separately, and contains the following: 1. How To Stop Parental Alienation: A Handbook for Parents and Family Professionals
Written by Bjorn Ahlen, Co-Founder of Breakthrough Parenting, this is a handbook for dealing with PAS.
It is not an analysis of PAS and its causes, but solid,
practical information on how to deal with every aspect of a PAS case,
based on many years of experience with helping PAS parents
across the U.S., Canada, and overseas. No wishful thinking, no
no opinions about what "should" work, just thoroughly
The Handbook shows you how to present your case in a way that
it will be heard properly. You learn how to handle critical
issues with custody evaluators, family court judges, mediators and Guardians Ad Litem (GALs),
to make sure they get a clear picture of the alienation in your family.
This Handbook can save you many thousands of dollars in
legal fees, not to mention many months or even years of harrassment and
($47.00 separately) 2. Creating A Successful Parenting Plan Book and CD-ROM Super-Clear Book that's been sold by professional referral for more than 10 years + Template CD-ROM for PC/Mac
+ Phone Support for any unusual questions.
It helps you quickly show the judge that you are the serious parent who
understands what's best for your children, allows you to
be very specific about what you are asking for, and finally allows you
everything possible to the floor boards, so that it
becomes more difficult for the alienating parent to go back to the judge
to add things
later at great expense. ($39.95 separately) 3. Breakthrough Parenting Advanced Parenting Home Program Individual Coaching with a Certified Breakthrough Parenting Instructor, Super-Clear Materials, and a Letter of
Completion for Family Court
What this package does for you:
You will be able to quickly understand and speak using the correct terminology used by family professionals in court.
When parents use everyday language to describe the PAS
problems in their family, it frequently comes across as "adult whining,"
and even serious
complaints are often disregarded by the courts for this
You will be able to understand the psychological problems involved in PAS cases, and you will learn how to
effectively deal with them.
You will learn how to reduce your stress. If you don't have any strength left, how are you going to
fight? Our methods have been proven effective for thousands of parents in difficult cases
You will learn how to undo the "brainwashing" of your children, and how to communicate effectively with them
regardless of their age (even teens...!), so that you can
guide them and support them through this difficult time, even reconnect with them after a long, forced absence.
You will quickly understand all the choices you have to make in what is legally called a "comprehensive parenting plan."
You will learn how to use a parenting plan to protect yourself from foreseeable future legal expenses
if your ex should become unhappy after your divorce is finalized,
whether it's 3 months later, or 6 months, 9 months, or a year
or more. This is a very common source of great expense in PAS cases.
You will find everything explained with exceptional clarity, and many real-life examples from families we have helped (only the names have been changed).
Your own satisfaction is 100% guaranteed. If you are not totally satisfied with how this unique package works to help you connect with your
children and save you big money on legal expenses, just return the materials within 30 days for a 100% refund.
The whole package costs less than what most people pay for a
single hour of legal fees (and you can save a lot of those with this
You get a 30-day Unconditional 100% Money Back Guarantee, backed by our A+ (highest) rating with the Better Business Bureau.
You'll quickly know what to do to move your case forward, and
you'll see clearly how to help your children get out of the parental
alienation in the shortest time possible!ˆ
More than 98% of incoming orders are shipped within 24 hours, and overnight FedEx is available, as is First Class Air Mail shipping to Canada, Mexico, UK, Australia, NZ, and other countries